Juggling Act

I always knew motherhood, or parenting in general, was a juggling act.  If my mother taught me one thing about parenting at an early age it's that you have to wear a lot of hats, be organized, bite your tongue, some times fake it, and push your way through whatever life throws your way.  The one lesson (or at least one of them) that I do not recall learning is how to juggle.  When I was in high school and even college I was the queen of keeping busy and mastering every task I set out to accomplish.  It was nothing for me to balance school, work, studying, church, five or six extracurricular clubs, participate in two or three community organizations, volunteer, baby sit, and still maintain a social life.  I thrived in the fast-pace environment.  But somehow, despite all of that, I failed to learn how to juggle.

If there is one parenting skill I would like to have immediately it is to juggle.  I am not talking throwing balls or flaming swords in the air juggling.  Although, that might be entertaining providing I did not seriously hurt myself, but that is a different story all together.  The juggling I am talking about is trying to meet the needs of boys, maintain my relationship with my husband, find some me time, keep the house in order, still do well in school, deal with CPS and foster systems demands, and the list goes on.  I learned that I cannot accomplish everything in one day, week, month, or at all.  It took stubborn me a while to accept this, but I finally came to grips with it.  The issue still remains that I cannot juggle.  I can multitask like no other, but when everything is thrown up in the air, and I have to catch and then release, catch and then release, catch and release again, and so forth, I find myself unable to complete the simplest of tasks.  Perhaps I should have learned how to juggle in high school and college..

Despite not being able to play catch and release a million times a day, I must say we are doing fairly well.  The boys are happy and healthy.  I love my husband more every day.  I am still somehow making A's in school (not sure how...lol).  The house is "clean" by most people's standards.  Laundry is manageable.  And by the end of the day, despite being completely exhausted and covered in some sort of bodily fluids, I look my husband and the sleeping kids, and I can't wait to do it all over again tomorrow.

I am not sure if I will ever learn how to juggle, but I am thankful for the all of the blessing God has given me, even the ones delivered in slimy bodily fluids.  =)

Keeping Faith

When we realized shortly after trying to have kids several years that the process for having kids was going to be difficult, we did not realize just how difficult of a journey it would become.  Our journey for children started off quite rocky with infertility issues.  Once we found medication and the dosage that worked, we were able to conceive relatively easy (all things considered!).  However, we were never able to maintain a viable pregnancy.  Each miscarriage left a void in our hearts.  I struggled to come to terms with my body and its in ability to become pregnant without a ton of medication and the inability to sustain life.  After several months of research, praying, and just time we decided to go the adoption route.  We felt like we should adopt through foster care instead of a private adoption.  We spent 14 weeks taking training course to become certified foster parents so that we could adopt. (Arizona requires everyone who adopts through foster care to "foster" the children first, even if the parental rights are already severed.) Once we received our foster license, we were excited at the possibility of having a family in the very near future.

Much to our dismay every "match," and I use that term very loosely, was completely opposite of what we wanted.  Our criteria was somewhat limited (limited for our region anyhow) in that we wanted a child or children that spoke English, had similar religious views, and were relatively healthy (no major or terminal medical conditions).  After several of months of poor "matches" we began to loose hope.  We decided that perhaps foster care wasn't for us and that we should just looking at adopting older children.  We could not pursue this possibility until our adoption certification was finalized (which we are still waiting on).

We were quickly loosing hope and had decided that as soon as our adoption certification was complete we were going to look in to interstate adoptions.  We had been very patient with our agency through multiple case manager changes, being "lost in the transition," and the holidays.  The week before Christmas I had enough.  I called wanting answers and discovered there were several errors in our file.  After getting our file corrected and letting our newest case manager know what we wanted I felt a sense of relief and found new faith.  Two days latter we received our first call about a possible match.  This match was much closer to what we wanted, but we did not feel it was right for us.  Four days later we received the call about the boys!

Throughout the journey to get kids I kept praying that we would be open to God's plan for us.  Ever since we picked up the boys, we knew the possibility existed for the boys to return to their biological parents or to relatives.  Every day, several times a day, I find myself praying for the well-being of the boys in the long term, for us to be prepared for whatever happens, and for us to have faith and follow God's plan for us and the boys.  Some days I am confident everything will work out for the best for us and the boys and other days I just keep praying, and praying.  I do not know what this journey has in store for us, but I know I love these little boys with every ounce of my soul and I try to keep the faith that everything will work out the way God has planned.

Simple Things in Life

The simple things in life are really what life is all about.  It is far too easy to get caught up in the lights, glamour, latest trends, and "must-haves," but one thing I have been reminded of by these little guys, is that the simple things in life are what makes life worth living. =)  The sound of baby's first laugh will warm your heart, fill you joy, and will inevitably also cause you to laugh.  Our littlest one began laughing this weekend.  He would smile and coo before, but now it is a full fledged laugh.  I wish I could duplicate his sound in words, but for now I will have to settle trying to capture it on video.

The firsts for everything (tantrums excluded) are exciting and serve as reminders to just how precious life truly is. Our biggest little guy, began dancing this weekend.  He has no rhythm and there is no doubt he is a white guy, but he tries so hard.  His dancing is a cross between a cabbage patch/sprinkler move (for all of the children of the 80s), a hip shake, and some random bouncing.  It cracks me up to no end!

Even more precious and amazing than laughs and dancing, and is being called mama.  Last night he started trying to say mama and it came it more like baba.  We worked for a while getting the right lip formation to make the mmmm sound.  This morning he started right in with mama.  It was mama everything.  (I am sure in a few more months I will be wishing my name was something other than mama or mom or mommy when he starts in calling my name all the time.)  The culmination of "mama" occurred when I dropped him off at school this morning.  He went in his room and started playing, but as soon as I said bye-bye and waved, his eyes welled up with the biggest alligator tears, his face turned red, and cried out MAMA.  I think leaving him this morning was harder for me than him.  As soon as he said mama while talking to/about me, my heart broke in a thousand little pieces.  Who would have thought that a simple two-syllable word could make a grown person stand completely speechless in their tracks!

I treasure each of the simple joys in life more now than I ever have in the past.  Whether laughing, dancing, saying mama, giving hugs, seeing brothers interact with each other, watching the dogs play with the boys, or even the moon rising as I am up for the middle of the night feeding, nothing beats the simple joys in life - especially as a mother. =)

The Terrible Twos, Too Early!

Our almost 18 month old is on the verge of entering the terrible twos - that is if he isn't already there.  The last few days have been filled with constant testing of the waters and pushing his boundaries.  While we understand this is in part to his natural development and his circumstances, we still can't help but want to have this phase over very soon.  Today was the breaking point for us.  The little guy felt the need to push every button for each of us.  He would do something he wasn't supposed to do (like throwing objects inside, hitting, kicking, screaming, pulling objects off of a higher shelf, etc.) and when we tried redirect his behavior he would instantly go back to whatever it was he wasn't supposed be doing.  When redirection failed, we tried explaining the behavior was not ok and why it wasn't acceptable (futile attempt for a toddler, but we tried anyways).  When we were met with hitting and him shaking his head "no", we followed with time outs.  Time outs for this little guy consist of him screaming at the top of his lungs.  He doesn't like time outs and is bound and determined to let everyone in ear shot know that.  When timeouts failed we attempted a mandatory nap.  Yep, you guessed it, nap time failed too.  Despite rubbing his eyes and yawning incessantly while protesting his nap, he was determined he was going to have it his way.  Trent and I both were at wits ends.  We knew it was a battle of the wills and were not going back down.  The culmination of will battles occurred at dinner.  Our very cranky toddler did not want to eat his dinner and preferred to throw the food on the floor so the dogs could eat it.  Nothing like trying to keep two dogs at bay, spoon feeding an infant, and trying to control a strong-willed toddler.  All I can say is I am glad the little guy went to bed for the night with out a fight!  Let's hope and pray that tomorrow is better than today.  =)

Laughter all the way...

We have had the boys for one week now, and it has been the best week ever.  I won't lie, at times it's been very chaotic, unorganized, and a bit of a cluster... but we have finally found a rhythm that works for us.  Despite multiple diaper blowouts, two sick boys, two teething boys, lots of spit up and drool, and people in and out of our home, we survived and are still smiling ear to ear.  We could not be any happier!

In the land of major milestones, we seem to reach a new one every day.  Today the littlest guy began sitting up with out any assistance! We still have to put him in the seated position, but he sits up very nicely.  The other major milestone we reached today is the oldest guy started laughing.  For many, this may not seem like a big deal, but for everything this little dude has gone through in his short life, this a major deal.  Many kids in foster care loose their laughter somewhere along the way.  His laugh is as priceless as his smile and kisses.  We are truly blessed to have such wonderful, precious, and amazing children in our lives!